I Hate Running

I hate running. It never gets easier. You'd think after years of doing it, it would be a breeze, that I could just lace up, pop out the door and bounce down the street. Nay. It always is a miserable chore that I dread until the moment I arrive back in my driveway, out of breath & sweaty. It's only then that I feel fabulous about having done it. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me want to throw up.
I'm not athletic. I have no natural abilities. I am not speedy. I am just stupid. So I keep doing it. (And because my team for the 50 mile relay expects me to be able to run my leg of the race and not die of a heart attack.) They would like me to finish my 3 point something miles in a time less than one day. If not for them and their ridiculously high expectations (of me not dying) I would probably just settle for a nice two mile walk. Or bike ride. Down hill.
In a perfect world I would obtain a smokin' hot body just laying in bed watching tv all day. I think scientists should be working on making this dream a reality. And I should be eating while I lay there. But instead, I have to run & do sit ups and a bunch of other things that I don't feel like doing just to delay gravity from inevitably pulling my butt any closer to the floor. I am not reversing the signs of aging at this point, I'm just trying to keep up with the slow decay that's already happening. So I run.
The first mile is the worst. Then it doesn't get better. You just go numb. The worst part is trying to come up with something creative to think about while I'm out there. If I have a deep thought to mull over, the run goes much quicker. Or perhaps an MP3 player would be helpful. I don't have one though so I have to sing in my head. "Walkin' In the Sunshine" (Roger Miller) is a cheery running tune. But after 3 miles I'm usually sick of it. I need inspiration. If anyone has any inspiring thoughts feel free to share. I'm open for suggestions.