Humorous Poetry

And now for some humorous poetry written by my favorite local un-published poet- Kelly C. Baker:

"The following was written on January 11, 2006 as I was sitting in my cubicle trying to will the clock to move faster. It always seemed to me that the hours of ten and two were horribly slow and dreadful. And due to the time of year, I was having a little bout of Job-Hate-January. I give you "Ten and Two.""

TEN AND TWO
by Kelly C. Baker

Ten and two, I loathe to see those hours upon thy face,
For ever slow they seem to me, devoid a rythmic pace

Ten and two two, the seconds halt, the minutes cease to flow,
Suspended purgatory, a forlorn worker's woe

Eleven brings us lunch time, a recess for the grown,
And three brings four, the blissful hour when we can all go home

But ten and two, I shake my fist, you are the bane of me,
How dare you creep by dreadful slow, a long eternity.

(Pause for Applause) Thank you, thank you.

And now another fave, This one is dedicated to my good friend, Coffee, written December 3 2005:

MY SECRET LOVE
by Kelly C. Baker

Dear Coffee,
I love you, l love your smell
you wake me up & I feel swell,
After I chug your taste devine,
you warm me up and clear my mind
I love your chocolate covered beans,
I'd eat them until I turned green
You are my vice, my guilty pleasure,
my coffee mug at work I treasure
Without it, there'd be no You,
and nothing to look forward to
I'd be distressed, dismayed, upsot,
if not for your brimming pot
I grin each time I take a slug,
cause you're my favorite legal drug.

Love, Kelly

Three Wishes

If you had three wishes what would you wish for? This is a ponderable essay question that changes for me from day to day. There are days when I feel more compassion for my fellow man and would wile away my wishes helping people regenerate new livers, find kidneys and heal their health problems. Today I'm feeling more selfish.
In the sleep deprived state I am currently writing under, my choices may not make much sense and in a few weeks I will probably wish to amend them.(And I will.) Sitting here today, coffee in hand and facing a grueling day of putting on my happy face and being a people person because that's what I get paid to do, here are my three wishes.
Wish #1: I wish it were financially possible for me to be a fulltime housewife. There are lots of women who probably share my dream. I rue the day those doggone women's libbers screwed me out of my free ride. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the reason I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to stay home. But hey, who doesn't?
Wish #2: I wish I had a new Easter dress which will also be worn to weddings this coming summer. In the 10 years I have been married I have not once bought a new Easter dress for Easter Sunday. At best I have some very nice bridesmaid's dresses that sometimes double as my Easterwear. Stacy & Clinton would burn them, they are from the mid 90's. I wouldn't mind burning them either. And new shoes to go with the new dress. My shoes are as old as my dresses. They should never be allowed out of my closet but sometimes.......
Wish #3: I wish I had compression hose. Yes. Old people stockings. I think it would feel fantastic on my old tired legs and maybe help the blood get back up into my heart. My varicose veins would cheer. I'm not sure if I would like the knee highs or the famous T.E.D. hose thigh high's, hospital issue. At any rate, it would have to help.
And those, my friends, are my three wishes du jour. Pathetically sad, but true. Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll have three different wishes in a few weeks.