Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Jeff Foxworthy Must Spy on Me

I've discussed this and am fairly certain Jeff Foxworthy has been spying on me. I have a copy of his desk calendar at work and more often than not, each daily "You might be a redneck.." seems to apply to my husband and I. For example, yes, the employees at McDonald's do recognize my voice when I roll through the drive thru at lunch time.

Each Monday my co-workers ask me what I did over the weekend and the answer is always something horribly uncommon. For example, on Valentine's Day I had just finished getting prettied up for a day of possible romance (I had on my best Walmart Bra and underwear with the least amount of broken elastic strings poking out of them)when I chanced to look out the window and saw plastic grocery bags with feet sticking out of them stacked up under my pine tree in the front yard.

Our friendly neighborhood hunter had shot some Canadian geese and dropped them off for my family & I to feast upon. However, the geese were in no way field dressed. They were complete with feathers, guts, feet, heads, etc. Not wanting such a bounty to go to waste, I spent the rest of Valentine's Day scalding, plucking & gutting geese. My husband helped by building the fire to scald the geese on and then chopped their wings and feet off when I was finished. No romance that day.

Another weekend we boiled maple syrup. The week after that we spent Sunday afternoon trying to catch ducks to take to the sale barn. In the summer we all look forward to Dog Shearing day when the neighbors come down with their dogs, or we go up to their place with ours & help each other clip them off using another neighbor's old cow clippers. The men do the clipping, us wives sit on lawnchairs and critique. An annual event not to be missed for sure.

Our dead Christmas tree stayed on the porch until it almost blew off at the end of February. That's when I put my foot down & asked that he at least throw it onto the lawn below. There is a beehive in my dining room. It's waiting for me to paint it. No, there are no bees in it, incase you're wondering.

My toilet has a Step-N-Pee pedal on it. Our very, very old house is crooked which caused the toilet seat to fall down at inopportune times for my hubby. He fixed that. Now you step on the pedal, the seat goes up. Take your foot off, the seat goes down.

My yard is littered with dead animal parts that my dear old dog found and brought back home to roll around on and chew. I can only imagine the horror we've caused those dear little children on the school bus who have to drive past each day and see the carnage. We clean them up & Bud brings home more.

The ducks we spent last Sunday chasing, think our pool is their pool. They enjoy swimming around on the rain water that has gathered on top of the winter cover. They perch on the railing around the deck and leave golf ball sized "presents". This is why we were having the Duck Round Up to begin with.

We still have a rotary dial phone. Our very first computer was purchased Fall of '08. Last year I hit a deer on the way home from work. Then I gutted it, butchered it & we ate it. (I hate to see food go to waste.) Yes, I'm pretty sure Jeff F. gets most of his material from spying on my house. But just to set things straight, I'm not a Red Neck. I'm a Hillbilly.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Please refer to later post for this comment to make sense...another hillbilly trait, methinks.