Monday, May 11, 2009

On The Road

I've recently begun a new endeavor as a flagger. That is, I am the person with the Stop/Slow sign that you see at one end or another of road construction. Or more commonly, in the middle of construction at an intersection safely letting people out onto the highway.

On my days off prior, I would go in town to run an errand and wonder to myself who all the people were who were driving around. Don't they have jobs? Why are there such vast numbers of vehicles on the road during business hours?

I am pleased to announce the answer. As I stood in the middle of an intersection for 14.5 hours the truth became crystal clear. Old people. The roads are covered in old people. And old people do not get along with road construction.
When the milling machine goes by, it rips up the old road and carts it off so that the new pavement can be put down. This causes a small drop off and when old people have to drive their car over it they go 3 miles an hour so they don't damage the precious undercarriage of their 1992 Buick. God forbid.

Some slow down to the point that they cannot get their car to get up over the milling hump. Their car actually stops when they hit it and then they sit & spin their tires which backs up traffic and pisses off all the welfare people (who are also out shopping for cigarettes in their beat up Cavaliers & Reliant K cars with the fantastic sounds system and booming bass.)

In addition to the Old People, Welfare People and the Working Class (vans, trucks, etc.) there are about 500 rich blond women who spend all day driving through our construction site in their white Cadillac Escalades. I'm not sure where they are going but I am positive that I flagged the same woman out onto the highway about 6 times the one day. Her purpose in life is to drive around & look pretty.

I've also discovered some pro's to flagging:
1. I get to wear the same thing to work every day if I want to. No one knows & no one cares.
2. No hair washing in the morning. Pony tail & hard hat. (I do use my Mary Kay & brush my teeth though.)
3. I can drink all the milk I want for breakfast. Because if I fart all day long no one is there to smell it.
4. Kids on the school bus think I am AWESOME and they all wave at me. Little kids in car seats yell Hello out the back window to me too. I am almost as cool as the truck drivers who honk their horn when you make the “blow the horn” signal with your hands.
5. I have the power to stop traffic.
6. People respect this power.
7. I get to laugh at horrible drivers.
8. I get to see the sun, when it comes out once a year.
9. The day sort of goes fast
10. They pay you a lot of money to stand there.
11. The hard hats are actually comfortable. And dry when it’s raining.

So far no one has thrown a milkshake at me in a frustrated rage. But the season is young.....

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