Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Best of Show, Worst of Directions

This year, for the first time ever, I entered a quilt at the County Fair. I think. Using the official Premium County Fair Flyer, a special publication to help direct one clearly and concisely as to all the rules and regulations of the Fair, I was able to divulge that all entries must be turned in by 7:00pm exactly two weeks after the third full moon after Easter but only if we were celebrating the Chinese year of the Scorpion. Otherwise, all entrants should have had their stuff in already, as was communicated via mental telepathy. The official Premium  County Fair Flyer, as it turns out, is actually a complex labyrinth of writing where, in classic labyrinth style, you get eaten by a Minotaur when you reach the center.

After determining that 2011 is actually the year of the Rabbit, I cross indexed my birthday with the number of stitches (estimated) in my quilt and then divided that by 15 to find out which page of the Premium County Fair Book the quilt stuff was listed under. Having no success with that process due to my lack of math skills, I was forced the read all 50 pages of the Table of Contents to find where the Senior Needlework Section was. 

From there, it directed me to see Department 11-24 Rules. That was much easier to find because all I had to do was catch a Leprechaun and threaten to steal his gold and he just showed me where the Department 11-24 Rules were located. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. There was only minimal confusion reading the Department 11-24 Rules but I managed. 

Then I flipped back through my Premium County Fair Encyclopedia, back to page 329 to see what category my quilt would fall under. I found it under Section 5, Class 43, Division W, Code Red, Alpha One Niner Delta, Genus cotton, Sub-Genus hand quilted. But that only applied if the quilt was not entered in any other class. Well clearly. I think. I really wanted to get this part right for fear that instead of entering a quilt, I may accidentally sign myself up for the Axe Throwing Contest, which is listed under sub-genus hand thrown

After filling out the necessary paperwork the Oracle of Delphi must be consulted. As per page 542 B XI of the Premium  County Fair Publication of Confusion and Hysteria the next step was to drive the quilt to the fair and enter it, so I did. 

I went back today to see how my quilt fared (at the fair, ha ha.)  It turns out I won Best of Show for rock painting and I may be a winner of the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. Score. 


country bumpkin said...

silly wabbit, you have to follow the yellow brick road... it would have taken you right to the page

Anonymous said...

You made me lol once again !! Those fair books are pretty darn tricky !!

Loved It !!!