Sunday, February 5, 2012

Castleville Rant of the Day

I have a sick affinity to play Castleville on Facebook. I can't help it. That being said, I have a bone to pick with the useless characters dwelling within my kingdom.

Meet the cast:
Raphael:  He's the dark complected Michael Kelso of the group. He sort of bumbles around looking good but never really contributes anything. He's always asking me for bubbly grog, grape juice, logs, etc. I don't know what he does with any of these things. He's like that friend that borrows stuff and never gives it back or tries to reimburse you for losing it. 

Yvette: (played by Dianna Agron when she had long hair) Yvette is a tree hugger. She's always making me go on senseless quests to save the gloom rats (the bad guys, you're supposed to kill them) or rehabilitate them into pets or something. I expect she'll be making me build a recycling plant in my medieval kingdom sometime in the future. All she does is stand around the courtyard all day. You'd think she'd at least feed my cows or chickens now and then. 

Sonja:  Sonja is Raphael's girl. Ok, not really. Raphael is madly in love with her but she's indifferent to the situation. She doesn't even try to mingle. She mainly stands in the forest playing the part of the mysterious sultry woods temptress. Again, she contributes nothing. 
Kathleen: Her part will be played by Michelle Williams when they finally do a Castleville movie. Kathleen just appeared one day and demanded that I build a royal inn. I don't know why I listen to these people. I built her the inn hoping she'd disappear but instead she saw how much fun it was to stand around and be a slacker so she's still there. Doing nothing. Maybe someday a roving band of gypsies will show up and she'll run away with them. 

Alastair & the Duke:  These are the only potentially useful guest living in my fake fantasy world. Alastair floats about looking wise and his quests are usually for the good of the kingdom as are the Duke's.

Other than "rewarding" me for the ridiculous quests they send me on (I say that scathingly as if I hate the game, when in fact, I may or may not be addicted to it) all these subjects don't help me at all. There are six of them and one of me and a limited amount of energy. So how about it guys, feed a peacock, collect some taxes, clean the chateau, chop some wood or fish the pond for me once in awhile, ok? 


Anonymous said...

Ha haaaaaaaaaaa I sat here laughing and my dog couldn't understand what was going on ! Hey Kel...wait till George shows up....he wants a chicken pot pie and I need a butcher shop, which I cannot build for quite some time, because I don't have enough castle points or whatever that is I need.He just stands behind these tree's in the woods with a chicken pot pie over his head. Now Alistar is bugging me for tomato soup, Rapheal wants another axe, that ice queen or whoever she is wants 10 rat tails and I have only gotten 1 in like a week ! I'm getting a little tired of these moochers !! lol !! Cindy

Christine said...

Hey you forgot about Quinn, played by Cary Elwes when he was in Princess Bride.

I have to agree with you. I hade a talk with the subjects in my kingdom . Told them they could at least do something while I'm off fighting dragons. But no, we are left with all the hard work!

I'm a little upset that I'm still stuck with a stupid Christmas tree and catapult I can't get rid of, store, or sell. Not to metion the few items we are actually allowed to store!