Friday, October 30, 2009

H1N1, My Rant of the Day

Call me sinister but this world was in need of a new plague. It's getting a little crowded around here, don't ya think? All of the great sicknesses & illnesses through the ages are Mother Nature's way of cleaning out her system. Too many humans screwing around, messing the place up, lets have a pandemic. Almost like Earth is trying to puke her guts out the morning after a bad drinking binge.

Now I know, I'm a human too, I should be shaking in my shoes & hanging Lysol soaked sheets in the doorways. But I don't care. I really don't. It's not that I want to get sick or die. I just don't care. If I become a statistic in the H1N1 scare, then so be it. My soul is prepared. Bring it on.

Will I get a flu shot? No. Do I believe in flu shots? Maybe. Are they loaded with crap that shouldn't be in my body to begin with? Probably. But I'm not really concerned with that. After all, I eat raw, overcooked, undercooked & expired foods, use silverware that fell on the floor, and lick the cookie dough leftovers containing raw eggs out of the bowl. And I don't have worms yet. In fact I think there are enough germs and bacteria camping out in my lower intestines that if I did get H1N1, it would run away screaming once it reached my stomach.

And while I'm on the subject, when did peanuts become public enemy #1? Why is every kid on the planet suddenly allergic to my favorite comfort food of all time? Peanut butter is my life. I eat it like it's my job. What kind of wussy kids are we raising these days that can't handle food that was processed within a 200 ft radius of a peanut? GOSH!!! No wonder the flu bug is such a problem for this nation. If you can't handle a peanut, how are you planning on coping with the flu? Huh? Tell me.

Perhaps, and just humor me here, that is the whole reason for H1N1. Maybe Nature is a huge fan of peanuts and their byproducts and felt the need to devise a way to weed out the weaklings that can't handle them. Thus creating our flu bug du jour. Clever. Very Clever. Don't mess with nature.

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