Tuesday, January 17, 2012

$1 Death Meal

I've always prided myself on being a hearty un-picky eater. I like food. There is nary a food I will not try. That isn't to say that I LIKE Brussels sprouts but I will eat them without complaining. For a long time, hot dogs were the only thing I couldn't eat. I got dogged out as a little kid and just lost my taste for them. But for the past several years I've been eating bites of them here and there in an effort to build up my hot dog tolerance and I'm happy to announce that I can now eat them without throwing up if there is nothing else to eat. But just like the sprouts, I would not naturally gravitate towards them if there were other foods available.

Yes, the wonderful world of food offers many delights and I enjoy them all. I eat calamari, sushi, Mexican foods, Chinese food, Japanese food, sea food, raw food, cooked food, expired food. On cruises my favorite meal of the week is when I get to have escargot in garlic butter. (Snails, people.) When I watch Andrew Zimmern I get jealous when he's shoveling bar-be-qued scorpions into his mouth. As long as the meal is not moving and is prepared in some way, it looks good to me. I'd try it. 

That is why I was so shocked yesterday when I couldn't eat the cheap frozen dinner my husband bought for me. (He was eating one too and he is the world's pickiest eater. Ever.) It was a "BBQ Ribs" meal but the meat thing clearly wasn't anywhere close to being the real deal. I'm not even sure it was originally a pork product. It smelled fine, looked gross. Far be it from me to judge a food based on looks so I eagerly cut off a bite and shoveled it in. Even as it was entering my mouth, the little guys in my brain in charge of food intake were screaming "NO! NO! RED ALERT!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T EAT THAT!!" But it was too late, it had already hit my tongue. I did manage to chew and swallow that bite without gagging but the rest of the mystery patty had to stay in the plastic tray. The sad part of this story is that I was starving (not really, but at lunch time, if you try to keep me away from food, I get really aggressive. And if you ever get in front of me at a buffet line, don't dilly-dally or I will ram your tray right out of your hands.) I looked down the break room at Jimmy who was slurping down spaghetti he brought from home complete with buttered bread and seriously considered beating him up for his lunch. Instead I had to make a PB & J out of the questionable ingredients I found in the break room. 

I can't believe I found a food that defeated me.

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