On Monday I was asked what I did over the weekend. After rewinding for several seconds (I have a bad memory) all I could come up with was "I watched the Sci-Fi channel all day Saturday." Oh the horror.
Some of you out there may be wondering what a nice girl like me would be doing wasting a day in front of the boob tube watching THAT. I wonder myself. To me the Sci-Fi channel is like a continuing train wreck, one that I cannot turn away from. Even when I want to.
It's the fascinating movie titles that drew me to it initially: "Frankenfish", "Crocodile II- DEATH ROLL", "Wyvern", "Ice Spiders", "Gryphon". The first time I watched a Sci-Fi original I realized that there was more to laugh at than Comedy Central usually provides me with. As a fairly optimistic happy person I am drawn to things that make me giggle. And therefore I have been watching Saturday Sci-Fi ever since.
This past Saturday I viewed the above mentioned "Ice Spiders" and "Wyvern." As a self proclaimed movie critic for this particular channel I must say that Wyvern was the better of the two. Ice Spiders had all the cliche's that a proper Sci-Fi Original must possess. It had the spoiled Brat (Chad, of course, what other name would there be for such a character) who was an Olympic Hopeful for the ski team. It had the Washed Up Olympic Has-Been (Dan "DASH" Daishnell) who is now hanging out on the slopes giving ski lessons to rich people. We also had The Professor (name unknown) who wore glasses and thought of the huge killer spiders which he created as government property that must be saved at all cost. And of course we had the Hot Black Doctor Chick who Dash wanted to ask out but was afraid to. All of these elements combined with some really lousy animation on the part of the spiders made for prime Saturday entertainment. But other than the shaky moving spiders, this movie rated lower (which is good in this case) on the Cheesiness Scale of 1 to 10. I would give this movie a 5 which is pretty good for a Sci-Fi Original.
Now "Gryphon", which I've only ever managed to catch bits & pieces of, would be about an 8. The swords looked plastic, the gryphon was practically cartoon-like. The characters shout their lines in an exaggerated Shakespearean manner. The actors who can't manage Shakespearean-ness sound like they're reading their lines off of cue cards. It rates extremely high on the Cheesiness Scale as well as the You Will Laugh At Them Not With Them Scale (it comes in at about 9).
I know I should be more productive on a precious Saturday. I like to call Sci-Fi Saturday my all day Abs workout. Come Sunday my stomach will be sore from either laughing or retching at their sad attempts at a serious movie. Tune in next week.