Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Super Powers

Super powers, do humans really possess them? I think yes. In fact, I've been assigning powers to people throughout the day today. It all started with an email this morning to my dear old mom. She asked how my husband was doing and I answered that he is obsessively fixing antique wind up mantel clocks, kitchen clocks, steeple clocks, and cuckoo clocks.
The man is genius. He looks inside at all those cogs & gears & knows just what needs done. Somehow he has cracked the code and seems to understand clocks like it's no big deal & everyone should be able to do it. I've decided to call him Tick Tock the Clock Man. The only thing he can't do yet is learn how to speed time up until I get home from work & then slow it back down. If he were fictional I'm sure he could do it. Or if he hates me then he could do it in reverse & speed up the time that I am home & slow down the time when I'm at work. That's how time seems to go as it is so, HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!
My sister I would call Bad Luck Woman, Deputy Sheriff of Murphy's Law. If there is a policeman in the area, he will find her and pull her over for some mundane reason a normal person would not get pestered for and this will happen to be on the one day that she can't find her wallet with her driver's license in it. If there is one sharp object on the road it will give my sister a flat tire. If she runs out of water for some strange reason, it will be while she's got shampoo in her hair. If she's in a hurry, her dog will dash off when she opens the door and make her chase it for 45 minutes. If she tries to bake a cake she'll be one ingredient short of success. If she does achieve success she will wreck her truck on the way to where the cake is going. If she's actually ready to leave on time for once she'll spill something on herself moments before leaving. If she goes on a flight, she will check her bag (which she has put her car keys, phone, etc. into)and it will get mixed up at the baggage claim and be taken home by some old guy who didn't have his glasses on & thought he had the right bag. I know. You laugh. Most of these examples are true. I assure you, my imagination is not THAT good. She makes Bella Swan look like a walk in the park.
I think my super power would be the ability to eat absolutely horrendous food & not get sick. I scoff at expiration dates. They are merely a guideline, not a rule. A little green fuzz never hurt anyone. Last year I wanted to make myself some dip & needed some sour cream. Too lazy to run to the store I hunted up some in the way far back part of the fridge. The part that makes Harlem look bright & friendly in comparison. I opened it up. The expiration said Feb 08. It was Sept 08. Since I was the only one eating it I thought, Oh what the heck. Afterall I hadn't had a sick day in over 3 years, I figured I was due. I ate it all. Nothing. That is just one example. I also revel in stinky food, spicy food, seafood, landfood. I'd be a fantastic hobo or homeless person. Maybe I'll call myself Super Immune Girl. Able to eat E Coli and say "YUM!" Salmonella runs when it sees me coming. It knows I'll just digest it & move on. No reason to linger here! The bacteria living in my stomach would make the Italian Maffia look like a basket of kittens.
My other super power is book reading. Nerdy yes. I can finish off a book in less than a day now. Twighlight, New Moon, they didn't stand a chance. Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows, that was a marathon. Didn't go to bed till 2:30am that night. I was well prepared to call in sick or late the next day.
If you have a super power, post a comment, let me know!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My super power (yes I have a few) is that I just happened to remember a beautiful oak shelf clock (handmade by my talented brother) but broken now, in a deep dark closet right before I read your blog. Lucky me--a super Tick Tock Man to the rescue????